The hottest thing to emerge from Portland since Carrie Brownstein discovered sketch comedy, this trio of infernal sauces will inject a little pep into any spice-loving friend's step.

Our favorite? The ambrosial Aardvark Habanero Sauce: tangy, Tex-Mexy, with a dash of Caribbean panache, and just mellow enough to splash on anything and everything. The addiction is real. 🌶💉

Exams, presentations, and business reports loom like a cackling Drosselmeyer. When stress hits, the first thing to be thrown out are healthy meals. How will your buds survive?

Simple, take the guesswork out of nutrition by giving them Soylent, a delicious meal replacement drink with all the macronutrients and vitamins your friends need to withstand the onslaught of tedium. Endure! 💪